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If there's anything to know about me, it's that I'm always excited for a new adventure, that I get bored quicker than most, and that I make spontaneous decisions at the drop of a hat. I am always searching for the next thrill, the next change, or the next story to tell. I enjoy making decisions without putting too much pressure on myself, and I love allowing myself to have effortless fun. However, my journey to seminary was the complete opposite of a spontaneous decision.
I never thought I belonged in seminary. I still find myself shocked that I ended up at Truett. When I used to think of "seminary," I'd think of a school for the Godliest of Godly-- a school for the elite. However, throughout the past two years, I have come to know and love the fact that seminary isn't a school for the best of the best, it's a home for believers. It's a place to be challenged, to build community, to strengthen my faith, and to fall more in love with God than I ever thought possible.
When I reflect on my life, I am reminded by God's goodness and the careful provision He had over every moment. He was with me through every hardship,
heartbreak, loss, and failure. When I reflect on the greatest sorrows of my life, I can see His arms of perfect peace wrapped around me. And when I reminisce on the most joyful moments of my life, I can see Him celebrating with me. If there's one thing that I learned during my first year of seminary, it's that God makes no accidents or mistakes. He has known me and loved me from the beginning and has crafted my unique story full of grace, mercy, and love so that I may grow to know Him deeper with each passing day.
I grew up in a Christian family. We went to church every Sunday and Wednesday, prayed before meals, and attended VBS and church camp in the summer. When I was eight years old, I made the decision to be baptized, because honestly, I thought it was time. A lot of my friends were already baptized, and I felt like I was falling behind. I definitely knew what decision I was making. I loved Jesus, and I wanted to make my faith known. But I don't think I understood the effect this decision should have had on my life. So, I went through the motions, and I got baptized. Then, I resumed my normal life. Nothing changed.
Though I was baptized when I was 8, I didn't know what it meant to trust God until I was 13. I was diagnosed with scoliosis and had two life-threatening surgeries in the course of a year and a half. This is a lot for anyone to experience, let alone a middle schooler. I look back on these two spinal fusions as the moment I actually allowed God to showcase His great power and love in my life. If I hadn't trusted His protection, I would have been terrified. But as scary as the surgery, recovery, and post-operation life seemed, I was at peace with it all. I knew it was going to be hard, but I had faith that God would be by my side every step of the way.
Once I learned to trust God, I expected it to be smooth sailing from there on out. For years, it was. But eventually, I entered into an unhealthy relationship that tore my faith apart and isolated me from my family. I was lonely, scared, and confident that I could live a happy life without surrendering fully to Christ. As time passed and I continued to ride on my high horse, I was stripped of the main thing I found my identity in – volleyball. I loved playing volleyball more than I loved anything else. I enjoyed the discipline, the team, the competition, and the popularity of being a part of the team. It was my dream to play varsity volleyball, but God had a different plan for me. During my junior year of high school, I had to make the heartbreaking decision to stop playing volleyball due to a spine injury. This was difficult for me to accept because I had already had not one, but two surgeries. Wasn't that enough?! Instead of playing the sport I loved at the varsity level, I was forced to slow down and watch my friends live out my dream.
I grew angry with God. I was sad, embarrassed, and doubtful that God knew what He was doing. During this frustrating season of my life, I was reminded of a lesson I had heard at church camp the previous summer. The theme of that week of camp was "Follow Your Leader." It challenged me to trust God's plan and continue following Him even when the road became rocky. The next fall, I started college at Baylor University. I had been looking forward to being at Baylor for as long as I could remember, so, naturally, I was shocked when my freshman year did not go according to my perfect plan. I was faced with failing grades, a lack of social life, and the end of a relationship that I let shatter my world.
With each new trial that I faced, I ran further and further from God. I couldn't understand why He would let these things happen to me. My life became lonely and dark. I felt hopeless, stranded, and empty. Eventually, I came to realize that the only way to crawl out of the hole of despair that I was in was to turn to Him. The only way to a better, fuller life, was to reach toward God and allow Him to lift me up. So that's what I did. And when I finally, completely surrendered to God, He worked more magic in my life than I ever thought was possible. He introduced me to the most supportive group of friends and restored my relationship with my family. Most importantly, when I surrendered to Christ, I was filled with a passion for learning about Him, sharing about Him, and growing in His love.
Over the past few years, I have had bad days, weeks, and even months. I have become excited about the eternal inheritance that is being kept in Heaven for me. I am confident that my joy is rooted in my relationship with God. Since knowing God - truly knowing, trusting, and surrendering to God - I have seen Him work miracles in the world around me. I see him in the beauty of the skies, in the laughter of my friends, and my family's faith. I have experienced Him answer my prayers, calm my fears, and rejoice in my moments of celebration. Though I used to feel lost, confused, and lonely, since knowing Him, I feel known and loved. I have realized that the moments I feel most like myself are the moments that I am completely focused on my relationship with my Savior.
Let me end where I started. I never thought I belonged at a seminary, that was until He made it abundantly clear that seminary is exactly where He has called me to be. When I think of my call to seminary, I don't think of a single moment that I heard the powerful voice of God telling me to apply at Truett. It wasn't a spontaneous decision. It wasn't a single click of the button in search of a new adventure. When I think of my call to seminary, I think of the unconditional love of God. I think of how faithful He has been to me throughout every high and low of my life. I think of how He walked alongside me as I tried to run from Him. I think of how He loves me when I feel unlovable, guides me when I am lost, and comforts me, so I am never alone. I think of the moment I realized that my dream is to share His word, His love, and His grace with students forever. I think of my desire to walk with students in their relationship with Christ as they navigate through the good times and bad. I think of every trial I have endured and how they each turned into a blessing. I think about how there's just something about having an intimate relationship with God that makes all of the pain I have ever experienced more than worth it.
I never thought that I belonged at seminary until I realized that it's not about me. Nothing I ever do will affect the power of God. It's all about Him! The highs and the lows and the in-between are all about learning to love, trust, and fully surrender everything I am to the almighty Creator.
About the Author:
Hometown: Waxahachie, TX
Undergrad: Baylor University
Favorite Verse: 1 Corinthians 14:16 "Let all that you do be done in love."
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