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I will never forget the moment I knew that the Lord was calling me to ministry. I was seventeen and at a worship conference for youth leaders in Corpus Christi, Texas. On the final night of worship, the worship leader offered an altar call for anyone who felt called to ministry so that some of the conference leaders could pray over those students. Even though the music was loud, I heard the faintest whisper in my bones - “Go up there.” Wanting to follow the voice of the Lord, I did. I was then prayed over and returned to my seat. I had no idea that that moment would become my anchor in a future storm of doubt and self-loathing.
I returned home after that weekend and told my parents a few weeks later what had happened. God bless my parents, they were extremely supportive, but also wanted to make sure that I was aware of the risk I was taking. Not wanting to disappoint them, I pushed that call to ministry deep down and tried to forget about it. I applied for college, chose a major that would provide career stability after graduation, and moved on with my life.
However, it wasn’t long until that call came back in full force. During Welcome Week at the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor, I was sitting in a seminar for Education majors when again, out of nowhere, the faintest whisper knocked me off my feet - “You know this isn’t what you’re supposed to be doing.” After a few weeks of intense prayer and seeking out a few trusted mentors, I declared my major as Christian Studies with the intent of going into ministry, and I haven’t looked back since. During my time at UMHB, the Lord blessed me with so many moments that this was just what I was supposed to do. Although I have serious issues with trust, I put the fear aside and continued to walk in what I knew was the Lord’s plan. It was bizarre, as someone who overthinks and worries about everything (and I mean everything), this was the one thing that my heart had complete peace about.
Fast forward to my senior year at UMHB. I knew it was time to start looking at options for seminary. I applied to a few different programs, both in Texas and outside of Texas. I narrowed it down to two options. It honestly took me FOREVER to decide what to do, and I felt completely abandoned by the Lord during this season. For months on end, I had no clarity. I had no idea where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do. I felt so much pressure from the people around me. I wanted to make the right decision, but I didn’t know what it was.
Finally, in February 2019, I knew my time of waiting was up. I had to decide so that I could register for classes. I ended up choosing a program in Kentucky, with the intent of staying in Texas and completing the program online. Even though I finally made a decision, I still felt unsettled and something stirring inside my heart. But I couldn’t put my finger on it. I pushed those feelings aside and registered for classes, found an apartment, and kept riding full steam ahead into my future.
In June, I woke up from a nap, startled. “You need to go to Truett.” What? It was late June at this point. I assumed classes were full. I already turned down my acceptance. What was I going to do? Thus, the craziest two weeks of my life was kicked off. I called Truett and explained my situation. With the help of the staff, within two weeks, I was registered for my first semester and had a significant scholarship to help out with expenses. I’ll be honest; it was all a blur. But, I did what I usually did - I cast all my worry aside and knew that it would work out. I knew deep in my heart that this was from the Lord. Once everything was confirmed, a huge weight lifted off of me, and I felt peace about my future for the first time in over a year.
Fast forward a year, and I have now completed my first year at Truett Seminary. I cannot believe how happy and settled I am. Over the past few weeks, I have been meditating on a verse from Matthew - “But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (6:33, NIV). So I didn’t move across the country to go to seminary. So I didn’t flip my world upside down. But, I sought first His kingdom, and everything fell into place, and at the end of the day, that is what gives me rest.
I’m not sure what I want to do after this adventure at Truett. Instead of looking ahead, for once, I want to be able to sit down, take a look around, and enjoy where I’m at right now. I know the Lord will reveal it all in due time. Until then, I will seek first the kingdom.
About the Author:
Rebekah Graff
Hometown: Dripping Springs, Texas
Undergrad: University of Mary-Hardin Baylor
Favorite Verse: "You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice, O God, is[a]a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart. You, God, will not despise." Psalm 51:16-17
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